|||||in the woods - path of the righteous||]|
I feel so ridiculously all over the place at the moment. I am about to finish uni in 2 weeks. I'm so incredibly happy about it and I can't wait to finish, yet I'm terrified out of my mind that I'm leaving this huge part of my life behind me.
I suppose the time I moved out then started uni is really when my life started to take on this new element of happiness that never existed until that point. I have had so many changes take place in the last four months, I hardly feel like the same person any more. And I was so happy being that person.
Now all of a sudden I'm back at my parent's house, I've missed out on so much stuff socially because all I am doing is working all day and all night and all weekend (that and the godawful travel from campbelltown and back every day). I haven't been to any gigs in ages or seen any of the fantastic people I always saw. I wasn't able to be in the circus show which disappointed me enormously. And all that took me four years to achieve in terms of my relationship with my parents (ie. actually having one) is falling apart. I feel like my identity was left behind in the city when I moved back here, and there's not a chance of me regaining it for at least another year.
One element of sanity has returned over the last week with me ending the longest stint of me not being single for yes, that's right, 6 months. That was probably the tip of the iceberg that just led me to not feel like me any more. I have never had to feel any kind of obligation to anyone before. Sure I've wanted to see people and do things for them, but never because I've felt like I HAVE to. And I know it's something I probably should have worked at. But you know what? Right now I really don't want to. I'm in confused, depressed and selfish mode, and it's not fair to put someone through that. Especially someone who deserves so much more. I don't know that I've ever hurt someone so much before. And I feel terrible. But you have to look out for #1 right?
The biggest secret I had kept from my parents for over a year is now out and causing strife thanks to the world's most dodgy receptionist. She will pay.
This is definitely the most personal I have ever become on this thing, and I have no idea what inspired it. But here it is. Anyway, as a nice distraction and being that this page is becoming rather boring, how about a piece of art to liven it up. It's by a guy called Mark Ryden